


Cognisant

by kookieznkream



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angsty Schmoop, Challenge Response, Character Study, Clara Appreciation Day, Episode: s08e11 Dark Water, Episode: s08e11-12 Dark Water/Death in Heaven, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Introspection, Light Angst, Minor Character Death, Not Beta Read, One Shot, Past Relationship(s), Post-Canon, Post-Episode: s08e12 Death in Heaven, Post-Season/Series 08, Short One Shot, Spoilers for Episode: s08e11 Dark Water, Spoilers for Episode: s08e12 Death in Heaven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-08
Updated: 2014-12-08
Packaged: 2018-02-28 15:21:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2737571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kookieznkream/pseuds/kookieznkream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cognisant - /ˈkɒɡ.nɪ.zənt/ - Aware; fully informed; having understanding</p>
<p>After Danny's untimely death, Clara tries to move on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cognisant

**Cognisant** \- _**[adjective] /ˈkɒɡ.nɪ.zənt/ - Aware; fully informed; having understanding**_

Clara’s earliest memory was the stories her mother used to tell her. The thing is, the stories that she grew up with are the only things left to keep her going. But sometimes, they blind her. They take her to dark places -- the kind of place where she might go right to the edge of living, just for sweet taste of adrenaline rushing through her veins. She knows that there are people who love her and they try to pull her back from that precarious edge. Now the truth is... she’s no longer Clara-the-teacher-at-Coal-Hill. Not since Danny, not since the Master and not since she last seen a certain blue police box disappearing before her eyes.

She thinks back to the last time she’s seen Danny and inside, she is breaking apart. She can remember, as clear as day, talking to Danny, which she never thought she’d be able to do. She remembers screaming inside for something, anything that could make her believe that it was him.   
  
The Doctor once told her that pain would pass over time. But it’s been months and she still feels empty and alone.  
  
On the bad days, she notices all the sympathetic stares thrown her way as she walks aimlessly through Coal Hill. She notices that no one greeted her each morning. She notices the pitying whispers behind her back in the staff room.  
  
On the few good days, she feels like she could cope.  
  
But she knows that she’s lost Danny. She knows that there’s no going back. He’s gone forever, and she’ll never tell him.  
  
Danny Pink will never know that he was loved unconditionally by Clara Oswald.  
  
Danny Pink will never know that he was a great man, a man who was more loved and worthy of love than words can express.  
  
Danny Pink will never know that Clara Oswald let him go. That she lets him save all of humanity and lets him go without the knowledge that he meant everything to her. She lets him go without him knowing that she would give up time and space just to stay with him.  
  
She keeps the pain of knowing this to herself. Although she knows that it’s more than she can bear, she keeps the pain because it’s better than to make Danny feel it too.

She thinks back to the last time she’s heard and spoken to Danny.  
  
A mysterious white, glowing portal had formed on the wall, lighting up the hallway. Roused from sleep, Clara pleads with Danny to get him to come home.  
  
“Just one trip,” she hears him say, “Just one trip, one person.”

And her delicate, already-broken façade shatters completely. She wants to say whatever she can to bring him home, but her silent sobs choke her words.  
  
So she doesn’t beg anymore. She lets Danny Pink die a hero.  
  
She can’t – won’t – take that away from him.  
  
She can’t stop him from righting what he considered to be his burden to bear. And so she accepts Danny's decision. After all, there's nothing she can do about it. Her heart breaks more and she's exhausted.  
  
But in the back of her mind, she knows that Danny wouldn’t come back because Danny is a much better man than that.  
  
Looking back, Clara feels a strange mix of absolute pride and absolute despair. She knows that she will never be over the death of Danny Pink. She also knows that Danny Pink was an extraordinary man, a man who'd go to great lengths to make things better for the people he has wronged.

Danny Pink was an exceptional man.  
  
Perhaps he was more than Clara deserved.  
  
And for the first time in months, Clara Oswin Oswald smiled. She was never going to be over the loss of Danny Pink but she had to try to be. She had to accept that he was gone and move forward. She would love Danny Pink forever.  
  
Clara Oswald is many things, but she isn't a quitter. Clara Oswald is tenacious. Clara Oswald does not stop going after what she wants. She wants to be happy. She wants the Doctor to be happy.  
  
Nothing can stop her.


End file.
